The rapid expansion of railroads in America soon gave rise to the traveling huckster. The distant ancestor of the cultural archetype known as the used car salesman, was born. Fast talking peddlers with fancy suits who were just a tad smarter than the rubes they were trying to fleece, would hawk their wares. These usually gravitated to the cure-all type of products like Hadacol. The term snake oil originates in this period. The people might have been gullible, but in rural areas where the town doctor did double duty as dentist, barber, sheriff and bare-handed horse-butt checker, it's no wonder people opted for drinking some foul-tasting concoction instead.
The internet has proved itself to be an dangerously effective tool in separating fools, and the unsuspecting alike, from their money, at speeds approaching that of light itself. Before that, phone scams proliferated. People soon got wise though, and who in his right mind would take a telemarketer seriously these days?
Scammers, hucksters and fraudsters are still with us and , I suspect, will continue to be for a long time. Advertising will continue to, oft times, mislead us and the mind-boggling array of useless junk and gadgets being presented on shopping channels is sure to increase exponentially.
Who can say why all this works so well and people continue to be suckered. Often the consumer is simply uninformed and bought said doo-dad in good faith, and maybe a bit of honest naivete is part of that. The other end of the spectrum of this is likely avarice. I guess it's human nature to love getting a good deal, but some people don't seem to care that a certain item may have accidentally " fell off a truck".
I offer no lessons in morality or judgement of people's character, I love a good deal as much of the next guy, but that age-old adage should never be forgotten: caveat emptor, buyer beware.
We in the high end audio community, secure in the knowledge of our lofty ideals and commitment to quality think we are impervious to such pedestrian machinations, but we would be wrong. Here are some of my favorite scams as they pertain to audio.
1. Tweaks
For non-audiophiles who might be reading this, tweaks are a popular pastime amongst audiophiles. They consist of various gizmos, mechanical, electronic or otherwise who's purpose is to squeeze a little more performance out of an already very good audio system.
Even though audiophiles love to argue and often consider other audiophiles to be full of shit ( a big part of the hobby and part of the fun), we are a knowledgeable bunch and have a basic understanding of the laws of physics.
It can be tiresome to explain to laymen why good cables matter and they cost more than their Toyota Yaris. We know, we believe, and like most things audio we eventually understand the futility of trying to explain stuff to someone who's already made up their minds.
There is even a dude who has some kind of horseshit publicity stunt where he offers a million bucks to anyone who can tell speaker cables apart while blindfolded. The Amazing Randi ( yeah right, amazing) even went so far a publicly attacking one of the venerable writers at Stereophile. He also chickened out when his challenge was met. This is coming from a guy who pulls rabbits out of a hat for a living.
One can place the blame wherever one wants, but people simply like to make up the laws of physics when basic understanding eludes them. If you happen to have a friend who runs a bicycle shop, just ask him about his encounters and you might hear a few hair-raising tales.
There are many tweaks out there. Some may or may not be snake oil. As audiophiles we normally reserve judgement until we have actually listened to some random gizmo and see if its claims of any type of sonic improvement are true. This can of worms is way too big and has way too many worms, so you are on your own and will have to judge for yourself.
Speaking for myself, I don't do a lot of tweaking. I am a firm believer in the benefits of nice, well built audio racks that reduces vibration, (air-borne or floor borne) an often over-looked issue in even mid-fi systems. The other is AC power. A lot of the big players denounce the use of power conditioners or aftermarket AC cords, and without getting into the science at this point, suffice it to say that they work ( some kindergarten wisdom still applies here, don't stick a fork in an outlet or make toast in the bathtub).
When CD's first hit the market many hucksters jumped on this opportunity. Some crazy gizmos with outrageous claims soon came on the market. Green felt pens to paint the edge of the CD, Demagnetizing gizmos ( for demagnetizing aluminum...okay...) Auric exciters ( make up your own joke) and other crazy ideas. Did any of them work? I don't know. All I know is someone has yet to invent a CD that doesn't get scratched to the point of being unusable if you so much as breathe on it.
Two oddball tweaks come to mind however; a $485 wooden volume knob and a bag of magic audio pebbles.
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| These go eleven |
I live in a hood that has an event called "Car Free Days". That is a euphemism for "Over-run With Stupid Hippies". There are always at least three tents that feature crystal-rubbers. They literally unabashedly rub crystal and claim all sorts of bullshit benefits ( self-righteous as they are, hippies love a good scam). Maybe I should bring my speakers to the tent and save myself a few bucks. The bags of Machina Dynamica Brilliant Pebbles, which I surmise are meant to be laid atop various components, are a lot cheaper than the knob, but their new-agey claims are even more difficult to swallow (much less understood).
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| Look at all the cool colors man. |
2. The Hot Brystons.
This is an oldie but a goodie, I used to see this all around town back in the day. This scam addressed the targeted victim's greed directly. Some fast-talking dude would walk in to an establishment and see his mark. He would speak in conspiratorial tones as if someone was after him. It would invariably go down as follows. He has a killer lead on some stolen Bryston components, and they have to go fast because the heat is on ( or cops are after him, take your pick). They are close-by at a friend's apartment, but he needs 25 bucks for cab to get them right now. You would be surprised how many people used to fall for that.
The low-rent petty scammer has figured out two important things. People will forget about cops when offered a high end audio component for dirt cheap and Bryston is brand that a lot of people have heard of and known to be expensive ( and made in Canada to boot).
A while back, I was doing a custom audio install at a friend's restaurant. During the course of a couple of days two of the bartenders fell for this scam from not one, but two different hustlers. They felt foolish afterwards, and were both 25 bucks poorer. They had conveniently overlooked the demeanor, bad teeth and scabby faces of these dirtbags. The fact that one of them was toting a ziploc bad containing a toothbrush and toothpaste failed to trigger any alarms either. Karma is indeed a bitch.
3. The White Van Speaker Guys.
Another true classic. Every large North American city seemed to have at least a few of these. I haven't seen this one for a while. This was the Bryston scam taken to a whole other level. these guys were organzised and were driving around an immaculate white van. There were no markings or logos on the van of course. The scam would usually go down this way. They would usually approach a lone pedestrian as they were stopped at an intersection on a side street. " Hey buddy, come 'ere" or some other such approach.
The story was always some convoluted bullshit, but delivered with speed and a sense of urgency, as to further confuse you. The story was fairly consistent, it was something to the effect of they had made a delivery, but the shipper had made a mistake and shipped too many speakers. They needed to unload them fast before they got back to the warehouse, so it's your lucky day.
It always looked kinda legit. The van was nice and there were actually speakers inside the van. They were packaged in professional looking boxes that were factory sealed. This scam was quite successful for a time, not because people wanted a deal per se, they just preyed on people's naivete or simple lack of knowledge. The brand boldly printed on the nice white cardboard boxes also seemed legit and conveyed brands that sounded like they were real speaker manufacturers.
I forget the names, but it was something like Pro-sonic , Acoustic Sound, Doghsit On a Stick , whatever. They hit upon the wrong dude when they accosted me, however. As they launched into their spiel I had to try very hard to hold back the smirk that was developing on my face.
" Speakers, really? What brand?" I asked trying to keep my cool. I soon lost patience and soon replied " Never f*****g heard of em'". I have rarely seen a van do a burn out, but they somehow managed it.
I saw the same guy pulling the " I'm outta gas, I'll mail you the money scam" a few weeks later.
4. Back From the Dead
Audiophiles know all too well the struggle that high end companies have to stay afloat and maybe make a profit. The marketplace has changed over the years, and we all own the best gear you never heard of, but there are bigger players these days.
Back in the day we would all scoff at Sony and go merrily on our way. What has not changed however, is the general public's lack of awareness of what's out there. High end companies have never bothered advertising in the mainstream media . Call it casting pearls before swine if you wish, but we can all agree that would be like banging one's head on a wall. People just seem to only be aware of the mainstream brands and that's that.
In the current " everything made in China " world that we live in, may companies have capitalized on this and resurrected some now defunct mainstream brands.
This phenomenon is not only present in audio. Indian Motorcycles is currently in its third iteration. Polaris Industries has acquired rights to the name and its Victory division is now selling bikes under the Indian marque. This is good marketing, but only marketing nonetheless. The venerable Indian company, who gave Harley a hell of a run for their money, went out of business in 1953. I'm sure Victory makes fine motorcycles, but a snowmobile company is trying to convince you that they are selling an American icon that has lineage dating back to 1901.
I have a serious aversion about stepping into a Best Buy and other such places. Like other big box stores, they have absolutely nothing I want. I have been there a few times out of necessity, like the time that I accidentally squashed a USB cable with speaker spikes on a Sunday. I was trying to ignore the mind-boggling array of seemingly over-priced items when I spotted the Altec Lansing logo.
There is not one blue-shirted smart ass kid trying his very best to sell me an extended warranty ( now there's a freakin' scam) that will convince me that is the same Altec-Lansing that made the legendary A-7 Voice of the Theater. It's all spin, some company acquired that corporate name and cornered the market in overseas plastic.
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| We don't need no steenkin' badges |
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| Will fry your hard drive in 3 days |
5. Bad Vibrations
There have been a lot of technological innovations over years whose sole purpose seems to be aimed at making things sound worse. Others are just plain dumb. I think that MP-3' s have quite successfully made the world that much shittier place. With their compressed tinny sound replete with mosquito buzzing, they convinced an entire generation that this what is music should sound like. Combined with terrible-sounding and outrageously overpriced headphones like Dr. Dre's Beats, it made for a uncommonly bad sonic experience. I must admit, however, that with the advent of inexpensive computer memory, abundance of FLAC files and devices like Neil Young/Ayre Acoustic's Pono player, there may still be hope.
The first time that I heard Auto-Tune, I didn't know what to make of it. I thought maybe Kraftwerk had gone mainstream and all their computers had crashed. Now it almost seems like a prerequisite for a successful pop song. Don't get me wrong, pop music has always been bland and forgettable. It appeals to the masses, hence the name "popular music".
It has been around longer than one would think, and each generation had their purveyors of sonic pablum. The allure was too strong and even the most innovative rockers would succumb to it. I won't cite Elvis here because that would be too obvious and might start some kind of flaming war. I will cite instead a pair of brothers who worked at Crown Electric with Elvis. Johnny and Dorsey Burnette laid down some of the authentic, primal and purest Rockabilly ever recorded in that short-lived, but seminal, musical genre. A scant four years later, Johnny went solo and was churning out diabetes-inducing pop songs geared for the mass market.
Now any goof who happens to look good can churn out melodies that seem to not have progressed or changed since the 70's. The only difference is that you don't even have to know how to sing;just crank up that Auto-Tune and you're good to go. The inevitable scandals that are sure to ensue once these no-talents become successful, stupid as they may be, can be amusing.
Speaking of vibrations, I am reminded of a ridiculous contraption that made its debut a few years back at an audio show. I never had much interest in Home Theatre. I won't open that can of whoop-ass today, but suffice it to say that it leaves me indifferent.This particular device made me laugh pretty hard when I first saw it The dead-serious salesmen were not impressed with my reaction, but it seemed so stupid that I had to laugh. It was a vibrating sofa. Not the kind that massage your back. This thing would be hooked up to a home theatre receiver in lieu of a sub woofer. There were built-in actuators and motors in the unit and it would move around and vibrate in time to the low frequency effects on the movie soundtrack. Kind of like a poor man's flight simulator. More fools and money parting ways.
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| Injured my kidneys. |
Beware of scams, they are all around us. I gotta go, because I heard that there are crackheads selling bikes for 5 bucks downtown.
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