Spikes In The Living Room

(Addendum: I had to change the title of this post. There was so much spam on this particular post that I could almost hear pigs squealing in my sleep. Enjoy, thanks for reading).



Well, there it is, the elephant in the room as the saying goes. I guess that as the concept of home evolved over millennia, the inevitable arguments that accompanied it probably go back just as far.

Maybe Ramses wanted to build all those pyramids right there in the living room of the temple. Mrs. Ramses had something to say about it and Ramses and his buddies decided to build the things in the backyard ( likely after drinking copious quantities of fermented locust juice, or whatever they drank to get hammered in those ancient times).

These days, audiophiles and non-audiophiles alike struggle with speaker placement and diametrically opposed design elements. There are also considerations for people who don't own their own homes and rent apartments. To this day, my old landlord must be perplexed about those hundreds of pinholes in the hardwood floor. He'll never in a hundred years figure out that they were caused by speaker spikes and all those speakers that I moved around as I experimented with the proper speaker position looking for that perfect sound.

Judging by the lout that he sent over to fix my heater who proceed to attempt  manhandling my kinda freakin' expensive Linn Keilidh with beautiful cherry finish, he knew nothing about speakers ( nor spikes for that matter).

My current landlord hasn't noticed the Hubbell hospital grade duplex plug that I installed. I know what I'm doing and nobody got electrocuted when I swapped out the outlets, but he might have wondered why all the clocks were flashing as I shut all the breakers on and off one by one. So maybe your significant other doesn't like hundreds of little holes in the hardwood floor or bright red electrical outlets.

I can't really say for certain when audio started competing with furniture and when the ensuing domestic arguments started. Maybe we as audiophiles, and the industry as a whole, did it to ourselves. I remember reading an article in Stereophile years ago that touched upon this subject. It was a good article, but wasn't able to explain why high end audio is such a dude-centric endeavor.

Maybe one can simply attribute it to dude genetics. It is the same genetics that compel dudes to do stuff on a primal level. The irresistible urge to jam a Chevy small block into a lawnmower and race it, hook up batteries to automobile air bags and revel in the mayhem or ride greased pigs at the local rodeo.

For a few years in a row, I worked for Linn at a fairly large high end audio show. Some of you might have attended such shows. They are held in hotels and each manufacturer or retailer is set up in a room where all the ugly hotel furniture has been cleared out. There are usually 10 or more floors solely dedicated to the audio show. That's a lot of of rooms and a lot of equipment. This particular show would get upwards of 15.000 guests over the weekend when it was held. You guessed it; all dudes. Once in a while I would get a glimpse of a guy dragging his poor girlfriend by the hand. The rolling of eyes and accompanying sighs of exasperation said it all; " not another room".

Everybody loves music of one kind another, so it's not the music that is the issue,  it's equipment used to reproduce it. As a side note; I won't denigrate musical tastes, but suffice it to say that when I worked at those audio shows, I heard some mighty strange music. I always had a Buck Owens CD on hand when I would get fed up and it was time to clear the room, but that's an entirely different post. It's just that the love of the equipment to playback said music is squarely in the domain of dudes. These are just the observations that I've made over the years.

In the 50's equipment was large and unwieldy, but some of it had style. Judging by shows like Mad Men, everyone was probably too hammered to know the difference. Be that as it may, there was some nice looking equipment in the formative years of audio. The JBL Paragon pictured below is a prime example. Keep in mind that it a speaker only. No guts or electronics, just a speaker. Who knows what domestic situations arose in regards to this behemoth, but it had a certain amount style.

Also stirs Martinis

Everything was big in the fifties. Cars were the size of subway cars and pants had more fabric than the average two-person tent. It stands to reason that audio equipment was big. Strangely enough it is still big. One can have an entire computer in one's pocket or happily purchase a 500 square foot condo, but the laws of physics haven't changed. Big sound equals big air, so chances are dudes will want big speakers. Let's say you were to come home with a pair of Avant Garde horns, chances are there will be some explaining to do. Lots of explaining. Before the power is even turned on.

I will kill you in your sleep

It's an inherent dude thing. When I would bring couples into a sound room at the shop I worked at to show the equipment or set up a demo, there were two distinct reactions. As the husband would look at the amplifiers the size of MIG welders, towering speakers and bright blue speaker cables the approximate diameter of a sewer pipe, an involuntary sound would escape his lips," Cooo-oool!". The wife not so much. Whether vocalized or tacitly implied by body language, the meaning was crystal clear; " You're not putting THAT in my living room."  ( in all honesty, stellar sounding as they were, Dunlevy SC-IV speakers were butt-ugly).

Honey, get some pork chops, the dog is scared

A lot manufactures figured this out eventually and a many speakers were finely crafted with the highest quality wood veneers, so well-made in fact that they could rival even the nicest Italian furniture.  I think that therein lies the inherent perception of audio components. Some people perceive them as pieces of high performance equipment ( to be proudly and prominently displayed of course) others perceive these as utilitarian pieces of furniture, Furniture that should at least try to blend in with the rest of the furniture and the drapes. I acquiesce to the last point as I can see why somebody whose spent a considerable amount of time and money on decor would desire that. Ugly is in the eye of the beholder however, and speaking for myself , I kinda drool when I see big fat AC cables.

$10, 999, not kidding. Shut up.

I have had to come up with many creative solutions over the years to help customers solve their aesthetic differences. One couple had an exceptionally beautiful home, but the Krell Master Reference amplifiers did not match the design parameters of the home ( both the architect and the wife couldn't get past having immense black boxes on casters in the living room). A custom enclosure was designed in the basement and custom wiring was made to accommodate this set up. The ventilation wasn't great and I suspect that to this day there are the remains of many crispy mice in that dungeon-like enclave.

A dude once showed up and expressed interest in some Paradigm speakers. After a short demo, he asked if they would sound good in a closet with louvered doors. I wasn't sure if I had heard him correctly and asked him to repeat the question. When I asked the the inevitable question of why, he simply stated that his wife did not want to see the speakers. At all.

This guy was attempting to circumvent the laws of physics in order to keep his wife happy, and I tried my best to be diplomatic about the whole inane situation. I refused to sell him any speakers until he had the whole thing sorted out. I just couldn't take this guy's money, also I wasn't keen on selling him Paradigms period. I wasn't a fan of that brand's Monitor series, and even though I am a staunch advocate of Canadian brands, and I secretly thought that they might actually sound better in a closet.

At the same shop, I once sold a real nice Krell/Totem set up to an interesting couple who shared the same taste in music, among other things. A few years later, as I was crossing the street, I heard a car honking at me. It was the husband of the aforementioned couple and he insisted that I come over for dinner at some point in the near future. They simply wanted to express their gratitude because they loved the audio system that I had sold them. They had set it up properly and thoroughly enjoyed countless hours of listening to music, going so far telling me that I had somehow increased their quality of life. It felt good to be appreciated, as well as being secure in the knowledge that I had helped out some nice folks. Also, that some of the best chocolate cake that I ever had, I think I ate half of the entire thing.

When all is said and done, I guess things will always remain the same. Sure, some dudes will appreciate a nice B&B Italia custom sofa in the living room, and the very same dudes will see absolutely nothing wrong with rebuilding their vintage BSA motorcycle in the very same living room. Women will continue to be exasperated and wonder if we'll ever grow up ( still not sure about the latter). People will continue to work out their differences, as they have always done, but if you have great sounding music in the background, it will make for a much more civilized discourse. If you happen to be one of those guys that is fortunate enough to have a man cave in which to set up your  audio system, I'm coming over. And I'm bringing some Buck Owens CD's.